Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Cabin in the Woods… or Lame in the Theater… you decide



Dana (Kristen Connolly) the virgin, Curt (Chris Hemsworth) the athlete, Jules (Anna Hitchison) the whore, Marty (Fran Kranz) the fool, and  Holden (Jesse Williams) the scholar all head out into the boonies for a weekend of fun and fornication, but it turns out they are pawns in a much bigger scheme. I wish I was making this up.

This movie rips off so many other movies it’s not funny. It has a Deliverance weirdo at the gas station, Evil Dead’s cabin with creepy cellar, Hellraiser like puzzle, and The Ring ghost in other scenes. The plot of the movie is that the “Ancient Ones” are sealed beneath the earth (like Wrath of the Titans) and to be placated, a sacrifice must be made each time. The victims must suffer then die, and the Ancient Ones will stay underground. 

So this government group ensures that a very elaborate and painful death await the victims. Then they force the kids into the behavior they need for the sacrifice to work in a large Hollywood studio like military complex.

The hero of the movie for me was Marty, the dope smoking conspiracy theorist. If not for his enjoyable rants and acting (similar to Shaggy on Scooby doo) I would be adamantly against anyone going to see this movie. It’s definitely a rental view. Don’t waste your money on a theater ticket for this one.  

There’s just too many stupid things that make this movie less entertaining and more annoying. 

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