The Muppets ~ they’re back … if you care.

I have come to the conclusion that there are basically three camps for Muppet fans. You can give yourself the test right now. Remember the old Sesame Street song Me-na-me-na? If you REALLY like that song and sing it out loudly, you are a fan. If the song irritates you, you are not. If it’s just sorta there, then you’re like me, a “tweener.”

I never really understood the whole Muppet Show craze except for maybe introducing kids to pop artists and actors/actresses. I would catch in on TV now and again, but it never really kept my interest.  That doesn’t mean I didn’t like the Muppets, they were just kind of…there..Ya know?

Well now they’re back in what I imagine is a Disney attempt to spark new interest in them. Judging by the turn out of the screening, it isn’t looking too good, but there’s still a chance. I noticed a large group of young adults leave after the first few minutes, so we can pretty much write off the age group just after me.

It was the “typical” Muppet movie. They need money to save the studio from a big mean oil tycoon. Kermit and Mrs. Piggy have broken up. All the others have moved on. The only way to save it is to get the group back together and put on a show….a telethon. Pretty much the whole gang is back including my favorite “Beaker.”

My 4 year olds didn’t much care for the movie, or the Muppets in general, but they did laugh at the funny parts and had a good time. The majority of the people laughing were adults, so it may be worth it to check it out if you are a fan. If you’re like me….. You can always catch it at someone else’s house. 

On a side note, I am becoming enthralled with Amy Adams who plays Mary, the girlfriend of Gary (Jason Segal). It’s kind of the getting a crush on the girl who is a little too wholesome in that Julie Andrews sort of way I imagine some guys wrestled with back in the day. Chris Cooper, the big bad oil tycoon, has an awesomely funny song that he pulls off quite well which is also worth a watch.  

So take what I said and run with it.

Happy Feet Two ~ cute, a bit long, and not entirely our fault this time.

Remember those adorable singing and dancing Emperor penguins who were in danger last time because we (humans) were overfishing the seas? Well those cuties are in trouble again, more or less because of Global Warning which people like to point at us and say we’re causing, but let’s get past that, and the fact that man is a carnivore and if you inject intelligence into animals they wouldn’t understand why they’re our victims.  Whew!! Guilt trip over.

Mumble (the voice of Elijah Wood), the dancing awesomeness of the first movie is a proud daddy to Erik, a shy and different penguin. Ramon (Robin Williams) is tired of being treated badly because he’s different (not an Emperor penguin) and heads back to his homeland with the rebellious Erik and friends following him. Lovelace, (also Robin Williams) has found a new worship idol, a Puffin named Sven who is mistaken for a different kind of penguin, and idolized because he can fly.

The Emperor penguins become endangered when an iceberg traps them inside an inescapable chasm and it’s up to Mumble, Erik, and the others to rescue them (even the human’s can’t undo this one).

 

There’s also a very fun side story of Will the Krill (voice by Brad Pitt) and Bill the Krill (voice by Matt Damon), tired of going with the flow, Will wants to evolve higher up the food chain.

It’s a whole” circle of life” message which movie makes fumble over as they try to explain how carnivores and herbivores coexist in the world and parts of the movie were a bit long for my 4 and 2 year olds. I noticed at that point a lot of other kids in the theater were getting bored as well so if you’re taking one, keep that in mind.

This does bring up a personal beef I have with the new movie trend, 3D. I don’t know about your kids, but mine absolutely HATE wearing the glasses for long. They don’t like the idea that when they look to the side it goes dark and I imagine it irritates their nose and ears after a bit. So if your kids are like mine, avoid the 3D.

Anyway, it’s a kid’s movie, so you know there’s a happy ending (no spoiler there). The movie promotes keeping your promises, not treating people bad because they’re different, and how every hand (or flipper) can make a difference. I will warn you, Erik’s talent is that he sings opera. A lot of the kids in the theater didn’t quite get into this, so you may want to be prepared for it as well.

I wish there was more Robin Williams in this movie, but as I said, the story was a bit long as it was.

So if you’re a movie on Thanksgiving kind of family, go see it.  

Priest ~ I hate when they have potential, then fall flat on their face.

Watching the previews for this movie, it seems like it would be REALLY interesting. If they do it right, it would be awesome…..wrong on both accounts. This movie would have you believe that humans and vampires (not the handsome glittery ones that you find all so dreamy, but the eye-less naked demon like ones that run around killing and eating all day) have been at war since the dawn of time.

The problem is, they’re faster, stronger, and more vicious than a human which means that they would have annihilated use long ago. The movie would have you believe if not for the church’s intervention and finding “The Priests” we would have been. The Priests are superhuman vampire slayers trained by the church.

A Priest (Paul Bettany) was very good at killing vampires. Once the Priests weren’t needed anymore, they were shunned and put to menial tasks in the city. This Priest has a secret, which Black Hat (Karl Urban) ,a priest turned into a vampire, exploits causing the priest to disobey his Monsignor. This is something you just don’t do in the fanatical religious society. So the Monsignor sends a group of other priests out to stop him.

Included in this crew is a Priestess (Maggie Q) who has a connection with Priest. I know… it’s all weird when no one has a name, and everyone is referred to as “Priest.” For the most part all you need to know is that vampires are being bad, the church is denying it, the Priest is hunting them, and the Priestess is hunting the Priest.

I’m so bummed! This movie had great potential. Superhuman hunting an uber-vampire, but it wasn’t anything special. It didn’t have the “Van Helsing” goodness, and frankly it wasn’t even enough like “Blade” to be likeable. It dragged on, and then when the time to fight was here, it was disappointing, and of course they set up a sequel.

Here’s a hint Hollywood. If the first one sucks, we aren’t going to see number two! If vampires are your thing (in the mindless killing way) you’ll probably not like this movie. Technically you only see two people die, and it’s not very gruesome.

Added to the “Meh” file! 

Knight and Day ~ Fast and Fun, Like a Tom Cruise Movie should be!

I have a moderate expectancy that any movie with Tom Cruise in it will be good. This hasn’t always been true, but for the most part, if you see him in it, you can figure on the movie to be worth watching and Knight and Day is one of those movies.  

Roy Miller (Tom Cruise) is a slick, charming, and adept agent for a nameless government agency. June Havens (Cameron Diaz) is a car mechanic innocently traveling home after buying car parts. She meets Roy and is immediately attracted to him. Once she boards that airplane with Roy, her life will never be normal again. Lurking in the shadows is Fitzgerald (Peter Sarsgaard), the bad agent framing Roy for stealing secrets and selling them to America’s enemies.

We’ve seen Cruise play the spy/agent many, many times. He’s good at it and it shows. I was surprised to like this movie as much as I did. For someone like me who doesn’t usually like Cameron Diaz, it’s very rare for me to want to go out and buy a movie with her in it, but there are exceptions.

Miller is always one step ahead, even just barely in some parts, and it’s a fun rollercoaster ride of action. The movie is fast-paced and exciting. If you’re looking for an action movie that the wife will enjoy, score this one. It’s cute to watch the “civilian” tag along the super spy.

Paranormal Activity 3 ~ Seriously… why?

Don’t do it. I don’t care what the TV commercials say. Don’t believe the talk shows, or the radio DJ’s. This movie SUCKED. It’s like watching bad home movies at 10 minute stretches and having something to make you jump every so often, but most of the time it happens off camera. I don’t care if people think its artsy, or modern, or unique, it was LAME!

BTW-THE ABOVE SCENE ISN'T IN THE MOVIE!!

Now they’re trying to tie in all three movies, but the only hurdle they have to get over is that all three movies aren’t worth the time to tell people how bad they were.

Julie (Lauren Bittner) is mother to a young Katie (Chloe Csengery) and young Kristi Rey (Jessica Tyler Brown), you know the demonic possessed people from part 1 and 2, but in reverse. This is the tale of how the girl’s imaginary friend turns out to be so much worse. Dennis (Christopher Nicholas Smith) is the live in boyfriend and part time wedding photographer who flees from scary scenes holding his camera on his shoulder.

Really? I know Blair Witch started the whole shaky video and “real” people type craze, but stop….we’re over it. There are some good special effects, but you have to wade through so much boring footage just hoping to see something, just to have it be a light turning on.

BTW-NEITHER IS THIS ONE!!! >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Friday night, and roughly ten people in the theater I think says it all. I wouldn’t even bother renting it. Google the story and consider yourself informed. 

The Three Musketeers ~ New, fresh, fun, and stuff blows up!

I know, I know…. Not ANOTHER Three Musketeers movie… I was there with ya. You know the gist of the plot, you know the characters, and you know the story, so why would you want to go see this right? Because my friend, this version of those beloved swordsmen is a stand-alone.

It’s not just a reboot of all those other ones you’ve seen. Though the Disney one with Keifer Sutherland is still my favorite, I didn’t mind the Man in the Iron Mask, and the one with Justin Chambers doing all the flips and fancy horse-riding was cool too, you can easily sit back and let this movie take you in a new direction.

You know the lover, Athos (Matthew Macfadyen), and the righteous one, Aramis (Luke Evans), and the burly Porthos (Ray Stevenson). Now add the spirited D'Artagnan (Logan Lerman). Top it off with our favorite zombie slayer as Milady de Winter (Milla Jovovich) with her flair, her sword fighting, and overall irresistibility and you’re in for a great time.

The evil Cardinal Rochefort (Mads Mikkelsen) and his one eyed Captain Cagilostro (Til Schweiger), isn’t too over the top, and did I mention the Duke of Buckingham (Orlando Bloom) is an actual character in this one, not just some backstory mumbo jumbo. Take all that and put it in a box, but wait …there’s more.

Modern, fantastical weapons and flying air ships, now how much would you pay? Our operators are standing by right now.

Seriously though, this movie was enjoyable. It was fun to see Bloom as a bad-guy without some honorable pirate traits interfering with him being bad ass. The air ship part was a bit farfetched, but fun. Come on, they had to do something to bring it to the next level, and a sequel seems to be on the horizon already. Go ahead, Keifer and Justin won’t mind.     

See.... I told you....FREAKING AIR SHIPS!

    

The Rite ~ Creepy, Not Scary, but creepy.

Whenever they say “based or inspired” by a true story, it always gives me pause to think. Are we talking news story, legend, firsthand account, or some drunken guy in a bar? Seriously, dude, I believed EVERY word, until the part where you were bit by the werewolf, but I digress.

Michael Kovak (Colin O'Donoghue) is the son of a funeral director. He doesn’t really see much of a future in his career options and joins a Seminary, mainly to scam them out of free college. He keeps his skepticism and seriously begins to question his faith, even though to those around him, he’s a natural. In order to put a fire back into Michael’s belly, they send him to the Vatican to learn about a new trend in Christianity, exorcism. Due to more and more reports of possession, the Church is training exorcists to be stationed throughout the world.

In Italy his attitude doesn’t change much, but he is sent to Father Lucas Trevant (Anthony Hopkins) a Jesuit exorcist whose methods are a bit unconventional. Michael, ever the skeptic begins to see Father Lucas as a charlatan, until some odd things start to happen during exorcisms.

Angeline (Alice Braga) is a journalist reporting on the new team of exorcists being created and looking for truth for her own reasons. Michael befriends her, and together they experience one of the most horrifying things they could ever imagine.

If you’re expecting a clone of the movie “Exorcist” you’ll be disappointed, but this movie does have its merit. Michael’s creepy undertaker father (Rutger Hauer) leaves an impression on you. I enjoyed the movie though it did get slow in some parts but when the movie gets going, it goes! After a bit of research (ok I Googled it) I verified many of the things that happen in the movie are real reported events that are reported by exorcists. So…add some wood on to the “CREEPY” fire.

Halloween is coming, and though this movie won’t scare you silly, it will prime the pump for a scary movie marathon. So keep it in mind.