The Muppets ~ they’re back … if you care.

I have come to the conclusion that there are basically three camps for Muppet fans. You can give yourself the test right now. Remember the old Sesame Street song Me-na-me-na? If you REALLY like that song and sing it out loudly, you are a fan. If the song irritates you, you are not. If it’s just sorta there, then you’re like me, a “tweener.”

I never really understood the whole Muppet Show craze except for maybe introducing kids to pop artists and actors/actresses. I would catch in on TV now and again, but it never really kept my interest.  That doesn’t mean I didn’t like the Muppets, they were just kind of…there..Ya know?

Well now they’re back in what I imagine is a Disney attempt to spark new interest in them. Judging by the turn out of the screening, it isn’t looking too good, but there’s still a chance. I noticed a large group of young adults leave after the first few minutes, so we can pretty much write off the age group just after me.

It was the “typical” Muppet movie. They need money to save the studio from a big mean oil tycoon. Kermit and Mrs. Piggy have broken up. All the others have moved on. The only way to save it is to get the group back together and put on a show….a telethon. Pretty much the whole gang is back including my favorite “Beaker.”

My 4 year olds didn’t much care for the movie, or the Muppets in general, but they did laugh at the funny parts and had a good time. The majority of the people laughing were adults, so it may be worth it to check it out if you are a fan. If you’re like me….. You can always catch it at someone else’s house. 

On a side note, I am becoming enthralled with Amy Adams who plays Mary, the girlfriend of Gary (Jason Segal). It’s kind of the getting a crush on the girl who is a little too wholesome in that Julie Andrews sort of way I imagine some guys wrestled with back in the day. Chris Cooper, the big bad oil tycoon, has an awesomely funny song that he pulls off quite well which is also worth a watch.  

So take what I said and run with it.

Happy Feet Two ~ cute, a bit long, and not entirely our fault this time.

Remember those adorable singing and dancing Emperor penguins who were in danger last time because we (humans) were overfishing the seas? Well those cuties are in trouble again, more or less because of Global Warning which people like to point at us and say we’re causing, but let’s get past that, and the fact that man is a carnivore and if you inject intelligence into animals they wouldn’t understand why they’re our victims.  Whew!! Guilt trip over.

Mumble (the voice of Elijah Wood), the dancing awesomeness of the first movie is a proud daddy to Erik, a shy and different penguin. Ramon (Robin Williams) is tired of being treated badly because he’s different (not an Emperor penguin) and heads back to his homeland with the rebellious Erik and friends following him. Lovelace, (also Robin Williams) has found a new worship idol, a Puffin named Sven who is mistaken for a different kind of penguin, and idolized because he can fly.

The Emperor penguins become endangered when an iceberg traps them inside an inescapable chasm and it’s up to Mumble, Erik, and the others to rescue them (even the human’s can’t undo this one).

 

There’s also a very fun side story of Will the Krill (voice by Brad Pitt) and Bill the Krill (voice by Matt Damon), tired of going with the flow, Will wants to evolve higher up the food chain.

It’s a whole” circle of life” message which movie makes fumble over as they try to explain how carnivores and herbivores coexist in the world and parts of the movie were a bit long for my 4 and 2 year olds. I noticed at that point a lot of other kids in the theater were getting bored as well so if you’re taking one, keep that in mind.

This does bring up a personal beef I have with the new movie trend, 3D. I don’t know about your kids, but mine absolutely HATE wearing the glasses for long. They don’t like the idea that when they look to the side it goes dark and I imagine it irritates their nose and ears after a bit. So if your kids are like mine, avoid the 3D.

Anyway, it’s a kid’s movie, so you know there’s a happy ending (no spoiler there). The movie promotes keeping your promises, not treating people bad because they’re different, and how every hand (or flipper) can make a difference. I will warn you, Erik’s talent is that he sings opera. A lot of the kids in the theater didn’t quite get into this, so you may want to be prepared for it as well.

I wish there was more Robin Williams in this movie, but as I said, the story was a bit long as it was.

So if you’re a movie on Thanksgiving kind of family, go see it.  

Priest ~ I hate when they have potential, then fall flat on their face.

Watching the previews for this movie, it seems like it would be REALLY interesting. If they do it right, it would be awesome…..wrong on both accounts. This movie would have you believe that humans and vampires (not the handsome glittery ones that you find all so dreamy, but the eye-less naked demon like ones that run around killing and eating all day) have been at war since the dawn of time.

The problem is, they’re faster, stronger, and more vicious than a human which means that they would have annihilated use long ago. The movie would have you believe if not for the church’s intervention and finding “The Priests” we would have been. The Priests are superhuman vampire slayers trained by the church.

A Priest (Paul Bettany) was very good at killing vampires. Once the Priests weren’t needed anymore, they were shunned and put to menial tasks in the city. This Priest has a secret, which Black Hat (Karl Urban) ,a priest turned into a vampire, exploits causing the priest to disobey his Monsignor. This is something you just don’t do in the fanatical religious society. So the Monsignor sends a group of other priests out to stop him.

Included in this crew is a Priestess (Maggie Q) who has a connection with Priest. I know… it’s all weird when no one has a name, and everyone is referred to as “Priest.” For the most part all you need to know is that vampires are being bad, the church is denying it, the Priest is hunting them, and the Priestess is hunting the Priest.

I’m so bummed! This movie had great potential. Superhuman hunting an uber-vampire, but it wasn’t anything special. It didn’t have the “Van Helsing” goodness, and frankly it wasn’t even enough like “Blade” to be likeable. It dragged on, and then when the time to fight was here, it was disappointing, and of course they set up a sequel.

Here’s a hint Hollywood. If the first one sucks, we aren’t going to see number two! If vampires are your thing (in the mindless killing way) you’ll probably not like this movie. Technically you only see two people die, and it’s not very gruesome.

Added to the “Meh” file! 

Knight and Day ~ Fast and Fun, Like a Tom Cruise Movie should be!

I have a moderate expectancy that any movie with Tom Cruise in it will be good. This hasn’t always been true, but for the most part, if you see him in it, you can figure on the movie to be worth watching and Knight and Day is one of those movies.  

Roy Miller (Tom Cruise) is a slick, charming, and adept agent for a nameless government agency. June Havens (Cameron Diaz) is a car mechanic innocently traveling home after buying car parts. She meets Roy and is immediately attracted to him. Once she boards that airplane with Roy, her life will never be normal again. Lurking in the shadows is Fitzgerald (Peter Sarsgaard), the bad agent framing Roy for stealing secrets and selling them to America’s enemies.

We’ve seen Cruise play the spy/agent many, many times. He’s good at it and it shows. I was surprised to like this movie as much as I did. For someone like me who doesn’t usually like Cameron Diaz, it’s very rare for me to want to go out and buy a movie with her in it, but there are exceptions.

Miller is always one step ahead, even just barely in some parts, and it’s a fun rollercoaster ride of action. The movie is fast-paced and exciting. If you’re looking for an action movie that the wife will enjoy, score this one. It’s cute to watch the “civilian” tag along the super spy.

Paranormal Activity 3 ~ Seriously… why?

Don’t do it. I don’t care what the TV commercials say. Don’t believe the talk shows, or the radio DJ’s. This movie SUCKED. It’s like watching bad home movies at 10 minute stretches and having something to make you jump every so often, but most of the time it happens off camera. I don’t care if people think its artsy, or modern, or unique, it was LAME!

BTW-THE ABOVE SCENE ISN'T IN THE MOVIE!!

Now they’re trying to tie in all three movies, but the only hurdle they have to get over is that all three movies aren’t worth the time to tell people how bad they were.

Julie (Lauren Bittner) is mother to a young Katie (Chloe Csengery) and young Kristi Rey (Jessica Tyler Brown), you know the demonic possessed people from part 1 and 2, but in reverse. This is the tale of how the girl’s imaginary friend turns out to be so much worse. Dennis (Christopher Nicholas Smith) is the live in boyfriend and part time wedding photographer who flees from scary scenes holding his camera on his shoulder.

Really? I know Blair Witch started the whole shaky video and “real” people type craze, but stop….we’re over it. There are some good special effects, but you have to wade through so much boring footage just hoping to see something, just to have it be a light turning on.

BTW-NEITHER IS THIS ONE!!! >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Friday night, and roughly ten people in the theater I think says it all. I wouldn’t even bother renting it. Google the story and consider yourself informed. 

The Three Musketeers ~ New, fresh, fun, and stuff blows up!

I know, I know…. Not ANOTHER Three Musketeers movie… I was there with ya. You know the gist of the plot, you know the characters, and you know the story, so why would you want to go see this right? Because my friend, this version of those beloved swordsmen is a stand-alone.

It’s not just a reboot of all those other ones you’ve seen. Though the Disney one with Keifer Sutherland is still my favorite, I didn’t mind the Man in the Iron Mask, and the one with Justin Chambers doing all the flips and fancy horse-riding was cool too, you can easily sit back and let this movie take you in a new direction.

You know the lover, Athos (Matthew Macfadyen), and the righteous one, Aramis (Luke Evans), and the burly Porthos (Ray Stevenson). Now add the spirited D'Artagnan (Logan Lerman). Top it off with our favorite zombie slayer as Milady de Winter (Milla Jovovich) with her flair, her sword fighting, and overall irresistibility and you’re in for a great time.

The evil Cardinal Rochefort (Mads Mikkelsen) and his one eyed Captain Cagilostro (Til Schweiger), isn’t too over the top, and did I mention the Duke of Buckingham (Orlando Bloom) is an actual character in this one, not just some backstory mumbo jumbo. Take all that and put it in a box, but wait …there’s more.

Modern, fantastical weapons and flying air ships, now how much would you pay? Our operators are standing by right now.

Seriously though, this movie was enjoyable. It was fun to see Bloom as a bad-guy without some honorable pirate traits interfering with him being bad ass. The air ship part was a bit farfetched, but fun. Come on, they had to do something to bring it to the next level, and a sequel seems to be on the horizon already. Go ahead, Keifer and Justin won’t mind.     

See.... I told you....FREAKING AIR SHIPS!

    

The Rite ~ Creepy, Not Scary, but creepy.

Whenever they say “based or inspired” by a true story, it always gives me pause to think. Are we talking news story, legend, firsthand account, or some drunken guy in a bar? Seriously, dude, I believed EVERY word, until the part where you were bit by the werewolf, but I digress.

Michael Kovak (Colin O'Donoghue) is the son of a funeral director. He doesn’t really see much of a future in his career options and joins a Seminary, mainly to scam them out of free college. He keeps his skepticism and seriously begins to question his faith, even though to those around him, he’s a natural. In order to put a fire back into Michael’s belly, they send him to the Vatican to learn about a new trend in Christianity, exorcism. Due to more and more reports of possession, the Church is training exorcists to be stationed throughout the world.

In Italy his attitude doesn’t change much, but he is sent to Father Lucas Trevant (Anthony Hopkins) a Jesuit exorcist whose methods are a bit unconventional. Michael, ever the skeptic begins to see Father Lucas as a charlatan, until some odd things start to happen during exorcisms.

Angeline (Alice Braga) is a journalist reporting on the new team of exorcists being created and looking for truth for her own reasons. Michael befriends her, and together they experience one of the most horrifying things they could ever imagine.

If you’re expecting a clone of the movie “Exorcist” you’ll be disappointed, but this movie does have its merit. Michael’s creepy undertaker father (Rutger Hauer) leaves an impression on you. I enjoyed the movie though it did get slow in some parts but when the movie gets going, it goes! After a bit of research (ok I Googled it) I verified many of the things that happen in the movie are real reported events that are reported by exorcists. So…add some wood on to the “CREEPY” fire.

Halloween is coming, and though this movie won’t scare you silly, it will prime the pump for a scary movie marathon. So keep it in mind. 

SCRE4M (Scream 4) ~ More of the same old same old

Ten years after the Ghost-faced killer attacked Sidney Prescott (Neve Campbell) and her friends, Sidney returns to Woodsboro, an author of a self-help book. She reconnects with Sheriff Dewey Riley (David Arquette) and Gale Weathers-Riley (Courteney Cox), now married two more survivors of the insane attacks that sparked a blockbuster movie entitled "Stab." The town of Woodsboro is still full of quirky citizens including Sidney’s cousin, Jill Roberts (Emma Roberts) and her Aunt Kate who have been catching flak from people in the town because of what happened to Sidney, yet they seem too stupid to just remove themselves from the town that torments them. Unfortunately, Sidney's appearance also brings about the return of Ghost-face, as it always does.

Hat tip to The Voice of Ghost-face (Roger Jackson), who is always the best part of any Scream movies for me.

This movie really works overtime to keep the audience confused, but in the end, it’s the same as every other Scream. Lots of reflection on other horror movies and clichés as it attempts to be witty and misdirecting, but I became bored somewhere in the middle.

Why is it that the killers in all of these types of movies are portrayed as uber intelligent until the very end when they do something extremely predictable and stupid? Let’s just have a movie where the killer is just plain old Psycho. Let’s have a body count so high with no predictability because the killer is just "NUTS.”

Cameos abound didn’t really add to this movie but it’s still a lot better than many other movies in the DVD kiosk, just don’t expect much difference from Scream 1 through 3, save for the usual twist and turns and misdirection. Even the fun of trying to figure out who the killer is wasn’t as exciting as I was expecting.

If you really liked the first three, you’ll want to see the fourth. If you were bored by the time you hit the third, you won’t be missing much.

Mechanic ~ He'll fix ya up all right...

Arthur Bishop (Jason Statham) is the man you call when you want people to stop existing. He is a most capable and intelligent assassin and never has complaints. He was trained by the best, Harry McKenna (Donald Sutherland). When Harry becomes a liability, his value as Arthur’s front man is zero and the head of the company, Dean (Tony Goldwyn) wants Arthur to kill his mentor.

As Arthur deals with the guilt of what he has done, Steve McKenna (Ben Foster), Harry’s troublesome son shows up with nothing left of his father’s estate and a chip on his shoulder. Steve wants to kill the person who shot his father. Arthur does the only thing a man who lives by the gun would do. Takes him under his wing and teaches him how to become a hit man. This cannot end well for someone.

The Mechanic was action packed, entertaining, and smartly made. To be a great hit man, you have to have a lot of preparation, and Arthur plans his hits out very well, which makes it fun. Add to that the tension that will obviously occur when the son finds out Arthur killed his estranged father and it’s pretty brutal. The action scenes are intense, and not a martial artsy as a usual Statham flick, but it’s good. 

I’ve noticed there seems to be two camps, those who like Statham…and those who for some reason can’t stand him or his movies. I’m in the camp of likers! I kept wondering throughout the whole movie “How is this going to end? “And “There’s going to be some sneaky twist.” It’s definitely a guy and gals who like hit men movie. It could be said that the plot is loosely based on the 1972 Charles Bronson "the Mechanic" movie, but it's a wide brush to paint that. 

Statham fans… check it out….

A Zombie Conversation

Zombie Rick: BRAAAAIIINS...

Victim: Ahhhhh Stop...Help... Ahhh! (running)

Zombie Rick: BRAAAAIIINS!

Zombie Dave: Rick.

Zombie  Rick: Shhh, Do you mind, I’m in character. BRRAAAAIINNNS!!

Zombie Dave: He’s just gonna run away, they always run.

Zombie Rick:  (stopping) You know, this sucks! I mean really. He’s not even running that fast.

Zombie Dave: I was really hungry too, damn it.

Zombie Rick: There’s got to be more to this. Other zombies are eating like kings, ya know. I’m practically wasting away to nothing, well I mean, other than the decomposition. You know what I mean.

Zombie Dave: I don’t follow.

Zombie Rick: Well half your head is missing, no wonder.

Zombie Dave: No mean, I dont understand what your getting at.

Zombie Rick: I’m saying we’re doing something wrong. BRRAAAAIINNNS!!!!

Zombie Dave: Why do you keep doing that?

Zombie Rick: Doing what?

Zombie Dave: The BRAINS thing, it’s really annoying.

Zombie Rick: Brains?

Zombie Dave: Yes, well no, I like brains too, but screaming out BRRAAAAIINNNS doesn’t really accomplish anything. It’s not like the victim is gonna stop running and offer them to you. You lose the element of surprise and it’s just bad form.

Zombie Rick: BRRAA... um... Sorry.

Zombie Dave: Dude, focus, other’s eating like kings. You were saying something.

Zombie Rick: Oh, Oh, yeah, Why don’t we run as well?

Zombie Dave: Cause it’s stupid. Bodies rotting, pieces falling off, running would make us fall apart, don’tcha think?

Zombie Rick: Really? We should try it.

Zombie David: Don’t you remember Marvin?

Zombie Rick: Marvin?

Zombie Dave: Yes, Marvin, brown-blood hair, missing his ears, nose askew?

Zombie Rick: I miss my nose. Oh wait, Marvin! Yeah, I remember him. Smart guy.. er..zombie.

Zombie Dave: He’s a head.

Zombie Rick: I know, I said he was smart.

Zombie Dave: No, I mean he’s a head. Just a head now. He had delusions of humanity and tried to chase some teenager, well first his legs splintered, then when his torso hit...well.. it wasn’t pretty. Now he spends his time pushing himself around with his tongue.

Zombie Rick: How does he scream BBRRAAAAIINNS then?

Zombie Dave: He doesn’t, it’s all “BBWWWAAAAAA” nowadays. Pitiful, if you ask me.

Zombie Rick: I agree. I’d rather be dead, well deader. Hmm.. how exactly would one classify our existence.

Zombie Dave: That's stupid. Dude, we’re zombies. We can’t change it, just accept it man!

Zombie Rick: Maybe there’s something better out there. Maybe we were made for something else.

Zombie Dave: A piece of your scalp just fell off.

Zombie Rick: Damn it! I liked that piece.

Zombie Dave: Holy shit! There’s a fat guy walking this way.

Zombie Rick: BBRRAAAA..hmpf..  (Dave covers Rick’s mouth)

Zombie Dave: Dude! I will knock your frickin head off if you do that!

Zombie Rick: Sorry, I can’t help myself.

Zombie Dave: We need to surprise him.

Zombie Rick: Two zombies have a philosophical conversation isn’t surprising enough?

Zombie Dave: You know what I mean. Wait until he gets closer and attack him.

Zombie Rick: We could just use this pistol I found on the policeman zombie.

Zombie Dave: We need a... what? You have a gun? Why the hell didn’t you use it a few minutes ago?

Zombie Rick: It wasn’t very sporting that way. You know, thrill of the chase and all that. Like the natives use to do it, more challenging. Don’t you agree?

Zombie Dave: You’re such a dumbass sometimes. Didn’t you learn anything in zombie orientation?

Zombie Rick: Well they didn’t say anything about using guns in orientation either did they?

Zombie Dave: Well no... but this is different. We’re STARVING!

Zombie Rick: The easy way is not always the right way. Don’t you agree?

Zombie Dave: Are you serious? We can end the hunger right now, just shoot him.

Zombie Rick: Hello... If I shoot him, then zombies all over will take it as assumed permission to shoot as well.

Zombie Dave: What do I care?

Zombie Rick: You don't have a gun. Will it be fair to you if others who have guns simply started using them? We have to have standards. Take some pride in your work dude, don't take the easy way out.

Zombie Dave: You're right. I'm so ashamed.

Zombie Rick: Don't sweat it. It will stay between you and me. Now do you still want those brains?

Zombie Dave: Well of course.

Zombie Rick: Then shall we?

Zombie Dave: sigh...... ok.....  BBRRAAAAAIIINNNS!

Zombie Rick: BBRRAAAAAIIINNNS!

The Warriors Way ~ Cowboys, Ninja, and Clowns…yup… clowns

Yang (Dong-gun Jang) has just become the greatest sword fighter in the world by slaying the bodyguard of the last remaining member of his clan’s enemies. All he has to do is kill the baby girl, and his clan will finally be at peace. Problem is, he can’t. He spares her and flees the country to America, becoming enemy number one to his clan.

Lynne (Kate Bosworth) survived a brutal attack as a child and witnessed her whole family slain by the Colonel (Danny Huston) as the town watched. Now grown up and a circus performer (knife thrower…kinda) she still lives in the dying town Yang shows up in with the baby. The town drunk, Ronald (Geoffrey Rush) is less than happy to meet Yang, and for good reason. Killers recognize their own. Yang trains Lynne in the art of sword fighting.

Yang is trying to remain hidden from the Saddest Flute clan and eek out a life in this doomed town when the Colonel returns with his army of men to wreak more havoc on the little town. Will he help the town? Will he flee with the baby?

Apparently since Sin City, there’s been a new type of movie full of vibrant, obviously fake backgrounds, and comic-booky action sequences. If you like this “300” like scenery, then you might like this movie. Some of the fight scenes were pretty fantasy and impossible anywhere else but in the movies, but they were bad-assed if not unbelievable.

Did I mention clowns get killed? No? For me, I love it when those creepy things get wasted, so you can see my bias. The movie is cheesy, corny, and I’m sure a few other food-like words. It’s one of those movies that get better with alcohol. You could probably make a drinking game out of it. Drink whenever someone dies and see if you can make it past the first 15 minutes. If you like comic book-Kill Bill kinda movies, go pick it up, otherwise you may wanna stay home and watch Terra Nova.   

The 5th Quarter ~ from tragedy, triumph

A tragic car accident injures Luke Abbate, a local high school athlete and youngest son of Maryanne Abbate (Andie MacDowell) and Steven Abbate (Aidan Quinn). His injuries include irreparable brain damage and a machine is the only thing keeping him alive. His older brother Jon Abbate (Ryan Merriman) is a star linebacker for Wake Forest University. Jon rushes to his brother’s side as the family makes the most difficult decision any family may have to make, whether to donate Luke’s organs.

The town, friends, and family overwhelm the Abbates with their concern, and life attempts to go one with each member trying to cope with the loss of Luke. The last quarter of the Wake Forest football games were renamed the 5^th quarter in honor of Luke’s chosen jersey number. Jon has also changed his jersey number to 5 to honor Luke. The 5^th Quarter becomes the motivation, combined with a new coaching scheme, which leads the Wake Forest Demon Deacons to their most successful season ever.

This movie will pull all the water from your eyes. It is a touching story of how we can make a difference in the lives of others, even at the end of our own, and how we can recover from blows that make us want to quit. It will definitely make you parents out there pause for a moment.

It’s worth the time to check this DVD out. Make sure you have a box of tissues. 

Battle Los Angeles ~ Pretty cool, but plot holes.

If you want to see a group of Marines kick some alien butt, this is your movie. They take their lumps too, but there’s one thing aliens need to know when they decide to invade, Americans may have issues with each other, but we will always join forces to kick your lousy tentacle derrieres.

Sgt. Michael Nantz (Aaron Eckhart) is a war decorated veteran of the US Marines. He is tough as nails, confident under fire, and looking to retire. The last thing he needs is a bunch of aliens invading the West Coast and making a fuss. Looks like retirement will have to wait.    

  

2nd Lt. William Martinez (Ramon Rodriguez) is fresh out of officer training school, which means is that when the crap hits the fan, we can look forward to the “lost leader” moment when the battle-scarred veteran (Nantz) makes him pull his head out of his duppa. (I wonder how many times I can use a word than means ass without saying ass, except in parenthesis because we all know parenthesis mean it’s just between you and me, not all those other people reading this review, right?)

Why are they here? What do they want? Why? Is the magical question that only people on the TV reveal in these types of movies lately so that we don’t detract from the fighting scenes. Their mission is to enter the battle zone, make it to the where some survivors are, and get them out before the Air Force bombs their alien tukuses to oblivion. What could go wrong right?

It would seem as though Sgt. Nantz has some issues to overcome, such as his men hating his rump because of the rumors they’ve heard all through the years. Nantz was the sole survivor of a mission in the war supposedly sacrificing his men, to get a medal. His lieutenant is “green.” Now he has to figure out how to beat the invaders.

I like the movie. It is action packed, exciting at times, and each actor lends to the overall story. My beef with this movie is that in order to beat the aliens, we got to do “this certain thing” and there’s no way we as humans would have known that, but apparently we do. Without giving away the ending, this “thing” controls other things, which the humans didn’t know they had until halfway through the movie, so that part doesn’t work out once the movie is over and you think about the plot.

Other than that, it’s a fast moving, back-side kicking movie. I did have a conversation with a friend who wanted to know why the Americans always make movies in which the USA is always the tide-turning force in these alien invasion movies. Besides the fact that we are one of the most technologically advanced nations, the USA kicks rump!

True Grit ~ grumble grumble grumble...

Having seen many parts of the original True Grit with John Wayne, and never actually seeing the movie in its entirety, when the remake came out, I thought it would be cool to see the newer version to get the complete story. Now that my kids are getting old enough to be able to entertain themselves, I’m able to catch up on many of the DVDs that were released, but I missed the opportunity to watch.

This remake doesn’t deviate much from the original. Rooster Cogburn (Jeff Bridges) is a US Marshall in a time where it didn’t take much to be a lawman except being tough. He’s a drunkard, shady, and mean cuss who is used to doing whatever it takes to get the job done.

Mattie Ross (Hailee Steinfeld) is a headstrong 14 year old girl coming to town to settle her murdered father’s affairs. She wants his death avenged and is willing to hire just about anyone to do it. Texas Ranger LaBoeuf (Matt Damon) has also come to town tracking down the same man but for a different murder. The trio of undesirable companions head out to bring the man to justice.

I’ve been a fan of westerns for some time, but my tastes tend to stay in the Clint Eastwood realm. This movie is watchable but annoying at times. When I watch movies, I want to be entertained. If the movie is authentically done, so be it, but it should still keep the audience interested. What turned me of about the original is that the script avoided contractions. You know, can not instead of can’t, will not instead of won’t. The remake is exactly the same, and for me sounded clumsy.

I know the rules of grammar were different back then in the Wild West, and even back in 1969 when the first True Grit came out, but it sure did distract me from the movie. Bridges grumbling the lines of Cogburn didn’t help either. Apparently he wanted to sound gruff, but I missed a few words here and there because he never really opened his mouth when he spoke.

Can someone PLEASE give Matt Damon a good part? I know I’m (see the contraction?) not the only one who felt a bit uncomfortable when the Texas Ranger wanted to kiss the 14 year old girl. He’s nothing like Sgt. Cordell Walker (of Walker, Texas Ranger) so I guess I’m jaded. Glenn Campbell played the original LeBoeuf, which is why he’s known for his singing and not acting.

Off to the “Meh” file with this movie. Someone else may get it, like it, some will stay away because of their loyalty to John Wayne, I was hoping for more, not the same ol’ same ol’. 

Xmen: First Class ~ no, it doesn't follow the comic, so what?

Before Charles Xavier (James McAvoy) and Erik Lensherr (Michael Fassbender) took the names Professor X and Magneto, they were friends. In 1962 on the back of the Cuban Missile Crisis, the world was in more jeopardy than we knew. Sebastian Shaw (Kevin Bacon), a mutant, masterminded the complete destruction of all of the humans in the world. All he needed was the USA and Russia to blow everything up. History shows, that did not happen, but it does not tell us how it was stopped.

Raven (Jennifer Lawrence), before she became Mystique and Magneto’s right hand girl, was Xavier’s best friend, and perhaps she wanted a little more. Erik, Raven, and Xavier gather a team of mutants to combat the mutants Shaw has assembled. Their mission is to stop Shaw’s plans for the annihilation of the humans. Shaw believes the humans will never accept mutants, and he’s right (as seen in the Xmen Series.)

Ok comic book heroes, this movie is not following the books, so let’s just get that out there. This is one of the multitudes of alternate universes Marvel uses to explain why different writers do different things in their books. This is why Beast can be blue and hairy in “First Class” and then human again in the first Xmen (on the TV) then blue and hairy again...aw who am I kidding? I don’t know why, but don’t let it ruin the movie for you.

The story of how Xavier was wheelchair bound and why Magneto hates humans is worth the time to watch the movie.

The action scenes are done well, the mutants are awesome (even if you’ve never heard of some) and I liked it. Don’t over think it, just enjoy it, and kudos to the person who thought of the Wolverine cameo! That was pretty cool (and very brief). Xmen wasn’t one of my favorites in comicbook-dom but it was pretty cool. It’s on DVD. Get a freebie code for Redbox/Blockbuster and go see it. 

Seriously though.... how is Kevin Bacon keeping so young looking?

Jane Erye ~ 1847 was not a fun place to live

Before we get going, it’s a period romance. I don’t know about you, but these Pride and Prejudice like movies bore the stuff out of me. I can’t relate to the piousness, the presumed value these egotistical men and women place upon themselves, and what they believe to be racy and daring… well… I can’t relate. That being said, in order to stay unbiased, I enlisted the aid of my wife, who reads a lot of romances, to keep me in line. This movie is based on a book written in 1847, so I wasn’t expecting much.

Jane Eyre (Mia Wasikowska) is a governess, which is what they called tutors back in those days. I wouldn’t say she was pretty, but then again, I don’t go for the whole Puritan look. The movie opens with her running away from a large house, no apparent direction, getting battered around a bit by the elements and stumbling upon the house of St John Rivers (Jamie Bell) and his two sisters.

Rivers takes her in, gives her food and shelter, and eventually sets her up as a school teacher in the local poverty stricken town. From here we, flashback to Jane’s crappy childhood. She was the ward of a lady who hated her, she was picked on, head strong, and didn’t act as a “lady” should for the time, and sent off to a boarding school where her life got worse. She finally grows up and gets to leave taking on the position of governess for Edward Rochester’s (Michael Fassbender) French speaking daughter.

Rochester is pretty much a jerk to Jane and everyone, whenever he’s in town. As the trailer says, Rochester and Jane fall in love. The troubled kind of love typical in most romances. She is forced to work for the guy in some way. He’s a jerk, she’s too bold for her own good. He flirts. She flirts. He does something stupid usually involving another woman. She bitches him out. He kisses her. They profess their love. Something happens throwing them apart. They find each other. Ta da!

There are some weird twists in their story. Not as weird as in the book, but weird enough to make the regular person, like me, say “that is messed up.” I didn’t like the movie, but will tell people how messed up it was. My wife was also not a fan, though some scenes did catch her from time to time. If you’re into period romances… more power to ya… pick it up. If you don’t care for them, but you want to just know how messed up it was, drop me a line.  

Ides of March ~ they call it “dirty politics” for a reason.

Stephen Myers (Ryan Gosling) is the idea man for Governor Mike Morris (George Clooney) and his political campaign to secure the Democratic Nomination for President of the United States. Paul Zara (Philip Seymour Hoffman) is the man with the plan and Morris’ right hand man and Stephen’s boss. Tom Duffy (Paul Giamatti) is the manager for the other candidate Pullman’s campaign.

Stephen is great as his job and Tom wants him for the competition. Unfortunately, changing sides is quite the scandal and Stephen learns just taking the meeting with Tom might be the end of his career. What more could go wrong?

Enter Intern Molly Stearns (Evan Rachel Wood). Yes, I said intern, and yes, it’s exactly what you’re thinking. What do you do when you’re idealistic candidate falls from grace? What happens when your ideas of what politics is supposed to be about get destroyed by “dirty politics?”

This movie represents what I believe to be a true interpretation of politics. You enter it full of hope and ideas on how to change the world for the better, and the powers that be taint you, steal your soul, and change you, not the world.

Political thrillers tend to bore me, but this one didn’t. I believe this was a great display of Ryan Gosling talents, and he did just about a much driving as he did in “Drive” but the acting was so much better. There’s some Republican bashing, as was expected, and there’s a few real life bumper sticker speeches that you’ll probably hear echoed in the 2012 campaign, but you can get past it.

It was a thriller and there are surprising plot twist. It worth a look if political movies are your thing, or if you just want to look at Gosling and/or Clooney. 

Footloose ~ Like going back in time and fun!

If you’ve lived in the 80’s, you know the movie, you know the music, you know the dances, and you know the ending. Even with all of this is mind, the movie is still fun, exciting, and ageless. I watched people dancing in their seats, heard them laughing out loud, cheering, and enjoying the movie. It’s a keeper!

Ren McCormack (Kenny Wormald) is the new kid in town and he’s in for a rude awakening. The town has banned dancing, loud music, and has placed a stifling curfew on its teenagers because of a tragic accident that claimed five seniors three years ago. Ariel Moore (Julianne Hough) is the preacher’s daughter, who after the death of her brother consumes Reverend Shaw Moore (Dennis Quaid), becomes the wild child.

Ren challenges the town to rethink its laws and its trust in their youth.

It was great. The old songs are there with some modern flair. This version followed the original very, very close.  Go watch it and have fun picking out all the similarities and the new scenes. The only thing that would have made it better would have been a cameo by Kevin Bacon himself.

Also watch for Maggie Elizabeth Jones and Mary-Charles Jones who play Renn’s little cousins. They are two of the cutes little girls in movies today. 

Hanna ~ scary girl, lame plot, scarier acting.

Hanna (Saoirse Ronan) is a 16 year old assassin, trained from birth by Erik (Eric Bana) her ex-CIA “Papa.” She has only one mission in life, to kill Marissa (Cate Blanchett) a ruthless operative, and well… it sounds way more interesting than the movie actually was.

The movie alludes to the fact that Hanna was the subject of an experiment to make the ultimate soldier, and somewhere along the like, Erik tried to protect Hanna’s mother from Marissa who was bent on cleaning up loose ends when the project was scrapped. That’s it, now you can movie to another movie in the DVD queue. Basically the whole movie is Marissa hunting down Hanna and the ultimate lackluster showdown.

The acting is bad, the accents are bad, the plot is lame, the execution dragged on, and the fight scenes weren’t very entertaining. This was one of the movies where I wanted Hanna to get killed and “let’s just get the movie over with.” Somewhere along the line, Hanna hooks up with a dysfunctional family whom she befriends, and really there’s no point to it. The director apparently wanted us to see how this girl is finding out who she is, but fails. Add in that it's all in foreign lands with bizarre characters which never really get established, and have no point at all and you'll feel like some joke was just played on you, except you don't know the punchline.

I wouldn’t waste too much time deciding on the one.